Time to keep up

I have been trying to keep up with Simon.  It is incredibly difficult to catch up from a year ago, especially in the first year of a baby's life.  They grow so fast, and the develop their personalities before your very eyes.  The thing about Simon though, is that he doesn't.  A wise person once told me a story about another mother of a child with a disability.  This mother heard a woman say she wished that her children wouldn't grow up so fast.  The mother very adamantly advised her to never wish for that. 

To have a child grow up slowly is a blessing in some respects, but still a burden in others.  It makes if harder not to compare to children of a similar age.  To hear of a friend's baby who is a mere nine months and walking, and to celebrate that with her, meanwhile in the back of your mind trying to quiet the voice of the therapist that says that your child may be walking by next Easter.  It is a fine line between joy and jealousy. One that I have toed on many occasions.  Thankfully, I like to think that though jealousy may win out for a moment, I do try to take the high road most of the time.

I look back at some of my notes on Simon and I see a whole lot of appointments.  Sheesh!  It was a very crowded time for all of us.  Then it got even more crowded when we added solid food.  It still makes me shudder somewhat when I think of starting him on food at four months.  I am one of those people that does not tell that they are pregnant until 12 weeks, when the risk of miscarriage is over.  Ironically that still didn't help with my first miscarriage.  I firmly believe that unless a doctor advises it, an infant should not be started on solid food until six months.  I am very impressed with Dr. Rempel and her team.  She knew me well enough to lay all the cards on the table, knowing that unless she did so, I would balk at the idea of starting Simon so early on food.  When faced with the risk of allergies versus esophageal something, and septal deterioration, I decided food was a good option.  I knew enough big words to figure out that those were very bad things to have to deal with.  Which brings me to another random point.

There is a whole new language that I have had to learn.  (I am also trying to teach Elizabeth this language as well.)  It involves words like hypotonic, rectal prolapse, atrium ventricular septum defect.  There are some things that people just shouldn't have to know about.  It made me laugh, in a sad kind of way, to think that I might someday have to warn a babysitter, "If you see a part of his bum sticking out that wasn't there when you changed his diaper before, don't worry.  It should go back in on it's own." 

I was looking at pictures today of the time when Simon was born.  Elizabeth has grown up so much since then (as expected) and so has Simon.  He is almost a year and a half old.  I marvel at how he has changed our family and stretched us individually in so many ways.  What a blessing he has been to us.  I have come to realize that this new test that they are talking about will affect our world in a very negative way.  For those of you who don't know, there is a less invasive  test that may soon be available to determine whether or not a pregnant woman is carrying a child with Down Syndrome.  When I first heard about the test, I tried to make light of it and suggest that it would show who either had not taken the test or who still had morals.  Now as I think about it, I feel sick.  It would mean countless babies being aborted because their parents wouldn't be willing to have a flawed child.  It would mean less acceptance of people with Down Syndrome.  It would mean potentially that Down Syndrome would be almost eradicated.  The thought of losing this new dynamic that we have just blows me away.  I can't imagine how life would be if Simon were "normal".  When instead of having gone through all of the medical experiences that we have, our biggest concern would be lack of sleep.  (I do that to myself so that Simon doesn't have to pick up the slack.) 

I want to tell you all about how wonderful Simon is, and how he is growing and learning new things.  But I do have this perfectionist need to do so in a chronological fashion.  So, on that note, I will leave you with a teaser for next time.  What do you call a woman who spends nine months expressing herself, and then expressing herself some more?  Me.